Every time a pastor is preaching about the Proverbs 31 woman, every man, even those who are still growing in their mother’s wombs stand still to listen. These young unborn men throw their kicks in agreement that every born again man deserves a Proverbs 31 kind of woman. Grown up men yearn to go home and find this woman who is of much more worth than rubies or the most expensive garment in their wardrobe. Those seeking to marry fast and pray like never before seeking the Holy Spirit to guide them as they “find” her. After all, it’s not good for a man to be alone and whoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from God.

Where I come from, Proverbs 31 woman is referred to as “MUTUMIA NGATHA”. She is described as a woman who wakes up very early in the morning to prepare breakfast for her husband, wash his clothes and who manages the household. Such a woman doesn’t need just any other man in her life but a strong man. A strong man is not defined my muscles (they are good though), he is not defined by how tall, dark and handsome he is but by his character. Developing a character to befit a Proverbs 31 woman requires Jesus who is the author and perfecter of our faith.

Who is the ideal man for the Proverbs 31 woman? To answer this I focused on Ephesians 5 and there I found this man. I called him the Ephesians 5 Man.

1. He walks in the way of love, he is selfless and he leads sacrificially


Ephesians 5:2 says…”And walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God…”
The life of the Ephesians 5 man should resemble that of Jesus Christ. He should derive his servant leadership skills from the person of Jesus Christ. Love calls for us to deny ourselves and help those who are in need. This young man should seek to give selflessly and with joy. He should give his time, material things and himself to the service of mankind. Phillip Holmes, one of the content writers in Desiring God said that a man who walks in love does not seek to be served but instead he serves sacrificially just like Jesus Christ did. If you are seeking to be an ideal man for the Proverbs 31 woman, you must be willing to lead sacrificially. You must be a servant leader to your family first and to the community at large.

2. He walks in Purity

Ephesians 5:3. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or any kind of impurity…..because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
The Ephesians 5 man is not the kind that sleeps with a chain of ladies neither does the Proverbs 31 woman sleep with other men. This man has purposed to walk in purity and he presents his wife to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Young man, are you willing to present your wife in the day of marriage as holy and blameless? You must model to walk in purity. The Ephesians 5 man is the kind that does not stand in the path of the wicked but walks in the light; he delights himself in reading, meditating and observing God’s law. His heart is sold out to one lady, he is not featured in the famous Mafisi Sacco, and neither is he trending in the new episodes of sponsorship. How can men waiting for Proverbs 31 women keep themselves holy? They can only achieve this by reading God’s word and by praying (this is not exhaustive).

3. He is Wise


Ephesians 5:4. “Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place….”
Have you ever been in a gathering of young men and all they talk about is cheap and out of place jokes? Well it may depend with the age but am addressing those men who are about to marry or who are married. How do you feel? Well, the Ephesians 5 man does not give in to such foolish or coarse words; instead he is wise in his speech and words, the kind that no man can refute. He studies and accumulates knowledge and above all he earnestly seeks God to bless him with wisdom for it is He who giveth wisdom. He is able to handle situations and make informed decisions whenever necessary. Refer to “Why men need visions and dreams by Myles Munroe

4. He Loves His Wife and Makes Her Holy



Ephesians 5:26….to make her holy, cleansing her by washing with water through the word
The Ephesians 5 man understands his roles very well, the priestly role. How can a man make his wife holy? He achieves this by studying the word of God and teaching the same through the guidance of the Holy Spirit to his wife. He must immerse himself into God’s word, study the word daily and listen to men of God whom he has called to teach and preach His word. Discern!! BEFORE YOU LISTEN. The Ephesians 5 man does not rely on the pastor’s preaching on Sunday but he plays his role by praying for his wife and teaching her God’s word. Note: Am not by any chance saying going to church is wrong but am saying that it is not enough. You must study the word of God daily at home. How will you be an ideal man for a Proverbs 31 woman if you can’t teach God’s word to her or your children? Refer: Deuteronomy 6:5-9

5. He Makes His Wife Adorable


He cares for his wife just as he cares for his own body. The Ephesians 5 man knows the favorite fashions for his wife; he knows the best beauty products for her, the best colognes/perfumes. Songs of songs 5:3 …..”Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon…..” I tend to think these lips must have had lipstick or lips’ gloss on them. Dude do you want your wife to be like a lily among the thorns and unique among the young women? You must make her look adorable; you must take care of her. Go to the gym together, jog with her, jump rope with her……. Ephesians 5: 28…..husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies….29……but they feed and care for their body…. 33….each of you must love his wife as he loves himself…..

Think of Jesus Christ‘s love to the church…..he died on the cross at Calvary because he loved us…
Young men, how much do you love your wives? Can you sacrifice anything for her, your precious time and resources? Can you immerse yourself into God’s word because you want to make her holy by teaching her God’s word? Will you love her as you love your own body?

By Ng’ang’a Kamande



  1. Wow!
    I never read long pieces but I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart to be patient and seek the Lord in prayer for a good man. No rush. The ephesians 5 man still lives amongSt God’s church.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is all good but once again the Romania reduced to someone who just washes clothes and takes care of the home. Someone whknwears fashionable things and just putts on adornmrnts to be seen as beautiful. God intended us for much more. If we are as precious as rubies then we have a greater purpose than the meagre roles given to women in this passage. Secondly only God can make one holy. Not someones husband. We are more thsn an extension of our husbands. So please reflect on this and see the Daughters of God the way you see His sons.


      1. I stumbled upon this on my feed and am glad I did. A good read, that brings so much into perspective. Thank you for the wise words


  3. This is wonderful Ng’anga. Continue to humbly submit to God that He may continually use you, in Jesus’ name.

    I am blessed to be married to an amazing Ephesians 5 man, so ladies, it is VERY possible. Please let us not compromise, but continually strive to model the Proverbs 31 woman, by God’s grace.


  4. Reblogged this on SkinnyDon'tCare and commented:
    Sometimes you find something that snaps you awake, That pauses your heartbeat and silences your doubts and apprehension.

    Ladies, you said you were trusting for a man after God’s own heart then trust Him. A close resemblance just isn’t enough anymore. Know Jesus then Know me.

    Jesus take the wheel 🙌

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The best piece so far, perfect guide to a young man like I scouring for answers but in no vain. Thank you, you have solved my lifelong mystery on how to start about marriage. God bless you, and my He fill you with more wisdom and give you strength to reach more people.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Awesome piece. Thank you for the powerful sharing Ng’ang’a on marriage. God I surrender to your will and purpose (Word). It’s my desire to be a virtuous woman for my Eph 5 yo be hubby. Thank you Jesus Christ the author of the family unit n marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This writing just moved my heart, made me aware of who i am, gave me more confidence, encouraged me, and gave me more zeal to teach my girl the word an seek God more. GOD bless you sir.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I love the piece… Proverbs 31Woman and Eph 5 Man. Different viewpoint though. I would agree to the total ideal Prov 31 Woman and Eph 5 Man, Nevertheless, I do not agree that both should be placed at the same area at the same time as it conflicts the purpose of each. The viewpoint as may be perceived by many is that if I (Man) should be like this then her (Woman) should be like that, more like saying what a man can do, a woman can do… Well the bible doesn’t teach us that way, and there is a reason why is such… Secondly, Prov 31 is in the old testament where we see the torah books and scriptures clearly outlined, but Eph 5 is in the new testament during the time of Grace…

    to clarify my view point between the old and new testament, Proverbs 30, 25The ants are not a strong people, But they prepare their food in the summer; “for during winter is hard to find food” Now the same bible but New testament states Luke 12-22, Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.

    In the old testament, Men were the only ones expected to officiate ceremonies/gatherings in church and other places and if a woman had a suggestion, she had to speak it to the husband “Prov 31Woman”and only do so at home… Looking at the above scenario, then merging the two Prov31 & Eph 5, is not only confusing but misleading to the young women expecting to be married soon and also raising their expectations.

    Again, just a small analysis of the entire piece of work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you MC-Stone for your words. Let all strive to lead a life that is Christ-like both in love and in leading. Christ-like life is all about love, let us love like Christ. A man should be the head of the house as Christ is the head of the church. Headships means leadership and servant leadership for this matters. Lead your home in matter relating to spirituality, lead in initiating, lead in love for God. Let us model to live a life that portrays love for God, Build relationship through affirmation, communication and time.
      A man should take initiative, live responsibly, lead sacrificially, love faithfully and leave a legacy.


    1. God bless you Allan. Addition: A real man:
      1. Takes Initiative
      2. Lives responsibly
      3. Lead Sacrificially
      4. Love Faithfully
      5. Lives a worthwhile Legacy for generations
      Strive to be this man and walk in knowledge of God. Baraka


  9. I am a young man just feeling it’s time to have my rib back on me but really I didn’t have enough knowledge of what it takes but My councelor evangelist Lana Neita shared this link to me and she has always advised me but now I heard God speak to me directly and am so blessed. thanks for the Word. (Waakisa J.Mac’Adams -Uganda )


  10. Sacred is the word of God. Forever it shall be. I’m so touched. You’ve hit the nail on the head,recommendation to all men who walk in the light of Christ..those who still need ignition this is your moment just start now.


  11. Years down the line and this piece is still powerful May God continue to bless and up lift you it is well air keep preaching the good news


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