DEAR MEN: SERVING/LEADING SACRIFICIALLY

As you read this article I must confess that I am an imperfect family man who is being worked on daily by the true love of God.

Being a husband is an opportunity to serve rather than to be served. This was well demonstrated by Jesus Christ by washing his disciple’s feet. Most of us have grown up in families where we have seen our fathers being served by our mothers. Besides providing food and protection role, I never saw my dad attend to the utensils or even clean the house. One may argue that they did other things like attending to the home fences, milking the cows and constructing cow sheds. While all these are important things to do as a family, I believe a man should as well attend to even those chores that are termed as “for women.”

In the modern-day society, things have changed, we have moved to the city where there no cows to milk and no fence to attend to. Due to our up bring, we may tend to sit and watch our wives attend to all the chores in the house while we a busy perusing through a car magazine and property’s magazine.

When you think of masculinity, what comes to mind? When I got married, I thought now it was time to be served after all I had washed enough, cooked enough and cleaned utensils enough time to guarantee me a rest. So, I could sit back in the evening and just watch my favorite TV program.  My wife could come from work and find our previous night utensil at the sink even though I was at home the whole day.  My inner voice could speak to me to do something about the utensils but I gave it a deaf ear, like, “I know my rights in this house, I should be served.” So, one day my wife came from work (I was working from home then) and she spoke sense to me (It wasn’t an easy conversation but it changed my view of things). Since then, my attitude toward the chores in-house changed. I would be washing utensil while my wife is cooking (not all the time though). This created an opportunity for us to bond and have some real laugh.

I must confess that I struggled with these things. This is mainly because I had been drinking from the wrong fountain of masculinity. I thought being a man is all about paying bills, have a piece of land for the family house, buy a family car, and a home but I realized that masculinity demanded more than these things.

Leading sacrificially as a man means giving yourself freely to serve others. Others here means your wife, your children, and members of the society at large. The true servant leadership should be borrowed from the life of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ taught us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. According to Philips Holmes in his article meaning of manhood, he said,

“It’s easier to sacrifice and act selflessly towards those we feel are worthy (these may include, our wives, children, and close family members) of our affection, love, and resources, but true manhood is displayed when we freely and selflessly sacrifice for the unworthy (those who are we are not related to).”

For singles, you don’t need to wait to marry or to get married so that you can start sacrificial leadership, it starts now. You can lead sacrificially by taking the initiative to set some time aside and help and old granny with some chores at home. You can sacrifice your resources for the sake of less fortunate in society. You see, Jesus Christ made himself nothing for the sake of others. He took the very nature of a servant but not a master.

Mark 10:45: “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.”

We should not only be concerned with our own interest but also the interest of others. We should be interested in the interest of our wives and children.  For the unmarried, you should start practicing servant leadership now. Ask God to deal with any form of selfishness and self-centeredness now. Seek to be tender-hearted, compassion and humble.

It is Paul who said in Philemon 1:4, ^“I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers” which can be interpreted to mean, “Each of you should be concerned not only about your own interests, but the interests of others as well.”

Marriage is all about looking at the interest of others. After one month of marriage, my wife started to study for her exams which were in 2 months’ time. This was too much for her as in their office they were working on a new project which was to be completed in two months’ time. There is no way she could have managed all these together with the house chores (we didn’t have a house manager then). So I took it upon myself to help her with more chores in the house than I was doing. I started waking up early to prepare breakfast as she studies. This was also the case in the evening during dinner. This gave her ample time to study. Sometimes I failed but I am thankful to God for what I managed to achieve.

Leading sacrificially sometimes means giving up your time and luxury aside for the interest of others. I could have wished to enjoy the sweet morning slumber or even catch up on the latest movie in the evening. But I put these aside. So, prepare to sacrifice your free time for the sake of others, prepare to sacrifice your sleep for the sake of your family. We should always be ready and willing to uphold Jesus Christ attitude:

Philippians 2:6-11

Who, being in very nature[a] God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,  being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even death on a cross!

Marriage is all about serving each other sacrificially. However, we need to be careful about the motive. If the motive for serving in your family is so that you may be praised then that is not a sacrificial service. It is more of a hypocritical service. These kinds of services are inclined to status and power. They are selfish. I am sure you don’t want this kind of service as a man in your family. Sometimes sacrifice will be defined by how much you love your wife especially in those instances you feel she doesn’t deserve your love or your children when you feel they are unworthy of your love. My brothers, we will be tested and tested by our men’s syndrome but hold to the steadfast love of God the Father who loved us unconditionally that he sacrificed his own son so that we may be saved. Drink from the fountain of this love and you will be amazed at how God can transform you to love your family with this unconditional love.

Let me speak to men, the call to fatherhood and the leadership thereof is not an easy calling.  We will be tried in every single way not to offer sacrificial leadership but the purpose in your heart to stand and lead. Phillip Holmes gives a good perspective of tricks used by the enemy to trick us: He said:

“Real manhood is a hard and uncomfortable calling, whether you’re single or married. The role of leadership God has given men isn’t an opportunity to be served, but a calling to serve sacrificially. In a world that offers immediate gratification — financially, emotionally, and sexually — Christian manhood may seem unattractive and even pointless at times. Why live selflessly and sacrificially when I can do the opposite and enjoy instant pleasure? When society tells us that leadership amounts to privilege, why hold fast to the biblical vision of leadership as a sacrifice?”

We are tried every day, we fail almost daily, we discourage but there is our Father in heaven, our GOOD GOOD FATHER who is always watching over us. He will direct us to the right way of leadership only if we are willing to be led. As you purpose to lead sacrificially, lean not on you understand for our understanding is limited. Seek the way of God, the path of love, humility, and sacrifice.

For the unmarried, plug into a group of brothers who are intentional about Christian manhood and fatherhood and walk the journey together, ask God to deal with selfish desire as he prepares you to become a servant leader, in your family first and to the society.

As I conclude, I would like to refer men to a program called Man enough facilitated by Transform Nations under the leadership of Simon Mbevi. Register and learn with other fellow men.

Here is the link.

http://transform-nations.net/our programmes/man-enough/

By Ngángá Kamande